My daughter is 5 weeks and 3 days old and we have been in hospital 5 weeks and 1 day. I’ve held out on writing about this for so long because I was hoping that when it came to sharing this story, I would be back home, telling you all about it from the perspective of reflecting on a terrible ordeal which is thankfully over.
As it happens, we are still very much living this reality. My daughter is not going to get better. We have been told to expect to be here 6 months or even longer, though we are very much hoping to prove the doctors wrong.
Lots of things have stopped me writing about this until now. The idea of getting an article out of her suffering was distasteful to me. I had (and still have) a lot of anger towards nature, the one thing which I have always been so passionate about and so trusting of. Overnight my belief system, that of Karma, of the power of positive thinking, came crashing down and I was left utterly lost. The black and white outlook I had of the world, of nature and even of parenting was shattered. I had a lot of emotions to work through, and I wanted to do it very much in private.
The reason I’ve chosen now to write about it all is because I have seen the power of support. Friends and family have knocked us off our feet with their outpourings of love, their generosity, their kindness. I feel ready to let people in and share our story, though I don’t feel I have much to offer other parents right now in terms of parenting advice. This is such a big part of our lives now and I feel that after several years of building this community, I don’t want to continue to shut you out.