I am lying in the dark, listening to my son’s breathing becoming heavy with sleep as he drifts off to a world I cannot see. His chubby hand rests protectively over my face, as my own fingers rhythmically stroke his silky soft hair. Gently kissing him on his soft, warm cheek, I breath “I love you” into his ear, before climbing out of bed to head downstairs for the evening. I know that in a few short hours I will be back in bed, snuggled up between my little angel on one side, his daddy on the other.
What’s stopping you from fully enjoying parenting, and having the family life you deserve? We all fall in to habits that can be damaging to our relationships and our overall happiness from time to time, but habits are only habits as long as we let them continue.
Here is a list of habits it might be time to break:
1. Stop blaming yourself for mistakes. You had a bad day, you made a decision you regret, you shouted at your children and feel terrible now. Stop sitting in the guilt and move onwards and upwards. Apologise, wipe the slate clean and start again.
I shared an article on my facebook page recently, which discussed the method developed by psychologist Oliver James, known as love bombing.
The premise of love bombing is that a parent creates a big lead up to a period of time, which could be anywhere from a few hours to a whole weekend, during which the child will be in full control for the entire time. The idea behind it is that the child can experience feeling in control, while receiving undiluted and unconditional love at the same time. Sounds wonderful, right?
Before I had my son, I spent two years working with children with disabilities. This blanket statement covered a whole range of additional needs and diagnoses, including tourette’s syndrome, autistic spectrum disorder, down syndrome, and severe behavioural difficulties, amongst many others. The young people ranged from aged three to eighteen.
I learned very quickly that shouting and threats of punishment, such as loss of privileges, could escalate a bit of a situation in to an almighty catastrophe. Coming up against the behaviour and trying to lay down the law, only served to make my job harder and the behaviour more extreme.
**** This is a guest post from Ariadne of Positive Parenting Connection ****
Sometimes it can be tricky to find activities that are fun for the whole family – especially when the children’s ages and interests can be so different from one another. I often get asked how I find time to really BE with each child and even how to juggle play time with three children.