Tag Archives: Connection

How to Get Children to Cooperate Without Punishments or Rewards

Is it even possible?

I have a three year old, so this is a subject I have had a lot of time and opportunity to ponder. My son has been blessed with a stubborn gene (passed on from myself and his Opa no doubt!) and knows his own mind. The fact that he isn’t afraid to say no, that he questions “authority” (me!) and doesn’t blindly follow orders and instructions is something I am immensely proud of. I love that he thinks for himself. And yet…

At times, I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish he would just this once, just do as I ask. Sometimes we are in a hurry and it would be really helpful if he would do a few things I KNOW he is capable of – Tidy his toys, put on his coat, wash his face. The fact that he can do these things but chooses not to can be a real source of frustration for me.

And so on these occasions, I would find myself getting cross. I’d nag and complain. I would put the pressure on, and I admit, I even tried subtle bribes and threats. (Lest you believe I always get it right!) And what was the result? He dug his heels in even further. He not only refused to do the thing I had asked, but now refused to even move. Or worse still, my actions made HIM feel frustrated which displayed itself in destructive behaviours. Which in turn, made me angrier still! It became a very negative circle of emotions and reactions.

When this happened I would have two choices. I could up the anti and start punishing in a way that would MAKE him comply by sheer fear, causing catastrophic damage to our relationship, his trust in me, his self confidence and so much more, or I could back down. Admit defeat. Calm myself down and start again. I always chose the second option.

But this still leaves the issue of how do you get your child to cooperate if you don’t want to fall into the dangerous trap of punishment and rewards? So I wanted to share with you what I have learned along the way, and what has worked for our family.

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40 Ways To Connect With Your Child Right Now

1. Read a story

2. Make eye contact

3. Listen to them talk about their interests

4. Share a sweet story from their baby days with them

5. Talk to them about one of your passions

6. Go for a slow walk around the neighbourhood, with no destination in mind

7. Turn off your phone and don’t pick it up again for an hour

8. Paint together

9. Share a bath

10. Have a dance off!

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Is This What Natural Weaning Looks Like?

*****UPDATE:  After writing this post I discovered the cause of my breastfeeding pain which you can read about here. Though in this post I speculate that pain may be a natural part of the weaning process, I am happy to say that I no longer feel that is necessarily true. *****

If you have followed Love Parenting for a while, you’ll know that I am passionate about full term breastfeeding. If you had asked me a year ago I would have told you that I expected Little Cat to breastfeed well into childhood, guessing until around seven years old. He has always been an avid breastfeeder (as a newborn he once cluster fed for nine hours straight!) and he still adores breastfeeding more than anything in the world. But in the past six months or so we have experienced some unexpected changes to our breastfeeding relationship.

To begin with, I noticed a change in my milk production. It was still plentiful, but it had noticeably dropped from the abundant fountain of milkiness there had once been. Around this time LC’s feeds became a bit shorter, but other than that there was no change to his feeding habits.

A few months later, things began to change again. Several occurrences happened in quick succession.
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Hold On to Your Kids – Inspiring Excerpts and Review

Watch my latest video to see what I thought of Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, written by Gordon Neufeld PH.D and Gabor Maté M.D.

Watch The Video Here.

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Would You Like This for YOUR Children? One Family’s Results of Natural Parenting

****************This is a guest post written by Eliane Sainte-Marie of Coaching For Wholeness. ****************

I was honored to be asked to submit a blog post on Love Parenting’s beautiful website. I love Sam’s message and am thrilled at all the support and information made available to parents through her work. We are completely aligned in our approach and philosophy to parenting, but my children are a lot older than hers (15, 18 and 21.) So I thought you might enjoy reading about the results of this parenting approach in one family, to get an idea of what you might have to look forward to if you also commit yourself to this approach.

It can be very challenging to parent in a way that’s different from the mainstream, as I’m guessing you’re doing if you’re reading this article. It’s also challenging, sometimes overwhelming, to spend a large part of each day focused on meeting a little ones’ needs. I hope my experience can give you some inspiration to keep doing it, as well as some reassurance that it’s worth it beyond what you can even imagine! My 3 daughters and I are a living proof of it.

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