To my darling Son. In just a few short months you will be two, and I just cant believe how the time has flown by. It seems only yesterday that you were a tiny newborn, scrunched up in my arms, with eyes only for Mama. A belly full of milk and a capacity to sleep for hours on end, (Wow was I in for a shock when that all changed!) I knew from the moment I saw you, life would never be the same again – and I was right! You have changed me so deeply, in ways I could never have imagined. The love I have for you is unwavering, unconditional, all consuming. I would fight panthers, climb mountains, even brave mother and baby groups just to see you smile… ; )
So before its too late and you are asking dad to show you how to shave (or perhaps you will grow a beard?) I wanted to write down some of my most treasured moments and memories so far along this journey as your Mama.
- The game we play as you are nursing, when you are so sleepy but wont give in to a nap. I tell you to close your eyes, you scrunch them tight, grinning as you loosen your latch. You pop them wide open and say “Peek-a-boo!”
- Eating breakfast together from the same plate, whilst sitting quietly outside on the decking, looking out for birds, bugs and helicopters.
- The way you wait for me to close the front door, then automatically hold out your hand for mine as we start walking.
- When you tell me “Get you Mama, cuddle Mama” as you are drifting off to sleep.
- Then as I am quietly rolling away when I think you are sleeping soundly, the way you sleepily reach out with your warm little hands and cuddle me tight.
- The games we play in the car, even when we cant see each other. Shouting silly words and making funny noises.
- The way you help me so much. You stand by and pass me pegs when I am hanging washing on the line, you find my shoes when I cant, you love to collect the post from the letterbox.
- The way you are so environmentally conscious. You cant walk past a piece of rubbish without wanting to pick it up and take it to the nearest bin.
- When you ask to see the stars and we go outside in to the night and look up together, cuddling and pointing out the brightest ones in the sky.
- The way you talk about the other children you meet and play with, with such excitement and joy.
- The way you recap your day before falling asleep.
- How you get so excited to see Daddy’s bike and wear his helmet, which slides down over your eyes as you rush around the house.
- Those lazy afternoons we spend laying on the sofa cuddling, nursing, reading endless stories and making dens!
- How you learn something new every day.
- How you never fail to amaze me.
- The belly laugh you do when we dance, play, tickle, spin around…
- When you tell Daddy “Ready” as you climb on his back and hold on tight as he gallops you around the house!
- The way you love nature. We spend so much time playing and walking outdoors, talking about the weather, the season, the trees.
- When you wake up on the weekend to find Daddy still in bed with us, you clamber over me and lay on his chest, poking him and saying “Daddy beeping!” until he wakes up to play with you!
- The way you love to hold hands with other children.
- How you love to throw things I pass to you in to the trolley as we do the shopping.
- Those sleepy middle of the night feeds where I stroke your hair and you stroke my arm.
- Those increasingly rare daytime naps where you fall asleep in my arms whilst nursing.
- How when you wake up, you are all hot and sweaty and your breath smells like pure heaven.
- Making juice together, then drinking it in the garden.
- How you have a love hate relationship with the hoover, you love to watch but are cautious to give it a wide birth. You rush over to say “All done now??!!” when I switch it off.
- How you tell me “I luf you mama.”
I could go on and on and on… But I wont, because whilst writing this list, I realised that there are those really special moments that I will always treasure, but actually, every moment of every day with you has been a moment that I never want to forget. Even the days when we are all stressed out and overtired, even when you are teething and grumpy, when I have a headache and want to crawl back in to bed, yes even those moments I treasure.
I would live through teething, reflux and colic every day for the rest of my life, just to get to spend my days with you. One day you will be all grown up. You will want your own bedroom, you wont come running or call out for me when you have “bumped head” or “got stuck.” You wont hold out your hand as we walk down the street, and that thought tears me in half, one side so proud of the wonderful man I know you will become, the other side mourning every moment that passes as your babyhood slowly slips away. These 2 years have without a doubt been the best of my life, and I am beyond privileged to be your Mama. I look forward to the rest of our journey, learning and growing together. Thank you baby, I love you.
What are the memories you treasure of your children? How are you holding on to them?
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