Temporary Is a Double Edged Sword – A Letter To My Son

I wrote this one just for Little Cat, but I knew if I didn’t publish it, I would lose it and he would never get to read it. Skip it if you don’t like gushing sentimental gooeyness!

Being a mother is without a doubt the best thing I have ever done in my life. Making the decision to have a baby was the most confidant, most sure I have ever been, and though parenting is not the fantasy daydream life I imagined, I have not regretted the choice for even a second.

Sometimes I think about the future. I think about twenty years from now when you will be all grown up, and I feel so overcome with emotion, sadness consuming me as I picture an LC who no longer needs me, and more than that, the end of this precious time when you are just three, and you are my world and I yours.

I know that every adventure I have had, and every adventure I will have is nothing in comparison to the adventure of motherhood. I know these are the best days of my life. Through the challenges, the stresses, the disagreements and the drudgery, there is nowhere I would rather be, and nothing I would rather be doing.

The thought that this is temporary has been one to get me through the tough times. The nights of eight wakings, the reflux and the teething. It has helped me find the strength to push on and stand up to the challenge of being your mother. But that word “temporary” is a double edged sword. I don’t want it to pass. I don’t want it to be over. I want to press pause and hold on to you, and stop the world from spinning. To rest in the messy, joyous days of mothering a curious, sticky, incredible little person.

I know, whatever you do and whoever you become, I will be proud, as I am now. You will be a most wonderful adult. I know that because you are already a wonderful child. But for now, I don’t want to look to the future. I don’t want to speculate and imagine what might come. I just want to be here, now, reading to you while we cuddle under a blanket, and do all that I can to soak up every beautiful drop of each and every moment with you my darling.

Motherhood has been my greatest challenge and my highest privilege. I have grown and changed more than I ever thought possible and I have become a better person because of you. I never knew how much love one person could have for another until I met you. It is an endless ocean of unconditional love and nothing and no one can ever take that away. Never forget that my angel.

Love Mummy

xxx

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